Tandarin

a speck of dust on the busy tank bund crossing in Hyderabad is under the constant threat of being spat upon by a Pan chewing Rickshaw driver or the Businessman who just got a call when his mouth was 'full' .... this fear is so similar to the fear of a common man being looked down upon by everyone around .....be it a rich chap or poor, he feels that everyone around him is scheming just to make his life more painful than it already is.....the fear is of people.........very typical of most people living in this part of the world.....Why?...I am still thinking and your comments will help...

a speck of dust hidden in a crevice on the pavement of Crown Pointe Parkway in Atlanta is scared that the shrub trimming vehicle will suck it out while sucking the dead leaves and cut shrubs... it is not scared of other people trampling on it...because people hardly walk the pavement. However it is petrified that the 'system' will weed it out and make it a part of history.....the people here are also more wary of the implications the systems, irreversible processes (such as off shoring) and rules have on their lives....they are more at ease about the neighbour not being their biggest problem......unlike the dust in Hyderabad.....

a speck of dust stuck in the rail lining of the sliding door of an elevator of our 60 storied WTC-Bahrain is scared that it will be unceremoniously unloaded onto a floor that is not its first choice, where cleaning is regular, people are allergic to dust and will NOT tolerate it.. this speck of dust is so typical of all the people that use this elevator... they are all pawns in this worldly game and they are all the time scared that they are not forced to exit on a floor that is not their best choice. .. be it the Janitor who is thinking of how to get out of the double mortgage trap that he has because of his son's college dream.. the Sales chap who is shit scared about him not meeting his targets and loosing his commission.. the CEO who is worried of some one finding out about his latest book dressing.. the FedEx chap who is thinking of his impending divorce while riding up to the 59th floor...

We all have our impasse....

"In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return."

The gurgle of a crystal-clear brook ... the aroma of earth moistened by the first rains ... finding a restaurant at 4am when you're ravenous followed by the sizzle of your favourite snack as its being brought to your table ... finding a car pulling out of the best parking spot just as you arrive ... waking up to your alarm to realise that its your day off ... sniffing gasoline .. errr ...

Before the reader (the 3 / 4 that frequent my page) gets the impression that this is one of those ridiculous "things I would give my l'il toe for" .. lemme make clear its only about self-discovery .. no .. not the kind where you 'discover' your fly's open before everyone else does ... but about the l'il pleasures of life.

Considering most of the ones above exist mainly in fantasy, one has to find alternatives ... those that aren't as reluctant to make themselves available.

Like maybe catching a glimpse of tarmac on a muddy road (am sure its possible in a rainy/wet situation ... I think) ... being asked to rush to board the flight at check-in (ok, so you maybe end up in the flight scheduled for the day before that's been delayed so what ?)... hearing the captain announce that "we'll be landing 20 mins ahead of schedule" (even if it probably means "we lost an engine and are going plunk! in the arabian ")...

The more perceptive of readers might've noticed two things: the preponderance of air-travel in the above list and that the ones listed in para # 3 are less likely than in # 1. But having spent an average of 6 hours in transit on what's listed as a 1 hour 20 min gig, hearing the captain announce that we had been asked to "slow down (yes, in mid-air) by ATC on account of traffic at the airport "and that we were" 7th in the queue to land ", its only natural.

Personally I'd use the PA system on-board for more fun announcements like "Would any passenger who might've dowloaded the pdf manual for an Airbus A320 contact the steward?" or "We're losing cabin-pressure ... no reason to panic ... but I would advise all passengers to expend excess gas to restore the same"

For now, I think i'll find a way to derive pleasure out of counting the rubber slats on the conveyor belt as it snakes its way past ...

I hold the phone far away from my ear, somehow thinking if I do this the other person will know what I’m doing and stop talking.

They just don’t. Words are flung at me at a rapid pace, drilling down into tiny details, with the other end STICKY talker unaware of my frustration at this end. They are comfortable with my slight mumblings or silence. I would occasionally interject a thought and there would be quiet at the other end, may be they are listening, yet as soon as I take a breath, they pick up exactly where they left off.

If they do take in what I’ve said, they are off on a tangent with their thoughts about the subject. This is not fair and I hate this experience.

What I love is a lively conversation, even if we are interrupting each other, bouncing back and forth adding tidbits of ideas, sharing experiences, and all the time listening to the other person and at a moment’s notice can stop and be present to them.

It’s beautiful to receive and to give the gift of listening.

When I’m on with the STICKY talker, no one is present as both of us are in our own worlds. We are not listening to each other.

A half and hour later I finally hang up the phone and say aloud to myself, “I’m fine too.” It’s my way of recognizing the other person didn’t even ask how I was doing. Relieved I’m no longer cornered by their words I try to shake off the negative feelings within me. There must be a better way.

I believe that I am in charge of my reactions, so I start to process just what happened. I sat on the phone listening to a person drill down into every single detail of their lives…their children or grandchildren, work, their feelings, complaints and the list goes on. I do whatever I could to distract myself from the experience.

Why do I stay on the phone? They are good people; I have a history with them and am not ready to relinquish the relationship. We all use our friends to share our experiences and help us sort through an issue in our lives. What frustrates me is the friend whose motor starts and doesn’t know how to stop it. I’ve always wondered whether they would be great writers because their tenacity for details is incredible.

I don’t want to subject myself to another marathon of words, so how do I deal with issue going forward?

I’ve decided I wasn’t going to speak on the phone as much. I’ve noticed that face-to-face interaction with STICKY talkers works better because they receive feedback. It may not stop the behavior but at least lessens the duration of the experience.

They can bring fun times with them, but I do know that their sticky behavior will surface, so I limit the time we spend together, and I don’t build up a reservoir of frustration with this person.

Finally, if I choose to be with them or talk on the phone, I surround us both with a circle of love. I take responsibility for creating an atmosphere that supports my well-being.

Relationships are important to me and over the years I’ve learned that it’s a balancing act between loving the other person as they are and insuring my own well-being.

Having been an inhabitant of the blogosphere for over four months now, I reckon I've been around.

The idea of maintaining a 'private' diary that the whole world has access to had me non-plussed at first. But then I realised that what I had to say about stuff, however inane, was not very different from what I didn't mind being read by the 3-4 dedicated people that would eventually visit my blog.

Ramblings aside, there are some distinct types of blogs or rather bloggers you come across. My Wilson college education spurs me to give these categories names like "Blue-blooded Factualists", "Keyboard diarrhea verbosers" and so on but I'll show restraint.

So there are three kinds I reckon. The ones who started the whole thing called blogging by penning down their opinions and giving other information quite religiously. The information on such blogs is well-researched, more importantly, well presented and very often updated. They usually tell it like it is with scant obfuscation with personal (often vitriolic) opinions. Dependable, thats the word.

Second are those that essentially have no rhyme or reason for their existence. They often get laughably predictable in their effort to be politically incorrect. The odd post might strike a chord here and there but don't count on it. The blog is just an extension of the hare-brained thought processes of slightly twisted minds.

And finally, those that are essentially like marketing tools. Except they're selling themselves, to who? .. Well god knows! Reams and reams of print about some profound insight into humanity and relationships while all they're trying to say is how they epitomise all that's good on this planet.

How they opened their hearts and emptied their bank accounts for a noble cause .. sniff sniff ... how quaint ... jeez ... talk about putting in your application for sainthood by proxy.

But then, if you've nothing better to do, than try to tap into the thought processes of people you hardly know ... nothing like it.... really.

ps: such pseudo-intellectual gibberish can only qualify this one for that 2nd type I guess:)

Every passing year my conception or my definition about love keeps on changing with some phrase added or removed. But one thing that has remained the same is my notion that “To be in love and to be loved are the two best feelings on Earth”.

Love, as many say is a gift, virtue and a blessing, which ought to be kept so close to our hearts. It gives a new definition to our life. Only a person who is not in love will know how luckier the guy who in love is, because he understands love is not a gift everyone can get so easily.

But what about these lucky ones?

Do they really understand the beauty and essence of love?? Do they understand that they are really lucky? From the world I have seen and the persons with whom I have acquainted I have just heard love lament, “Please give me a chance”.

On one side, I see people not accepting the true love they get and they keep on waiting for the perfect match without knowing love is only as perfect as we make it.

On the other side I see, lovers break up due to ego clashes and possessiveness. I don’t understand why people can’t give up their pride and ego just to the people whom they love a lot.

Be it any relation, the wound created by egocentric problems takes lot of time to heal. The worst case is that you may lose the person for a lifetime. At times misunderstandings may ruin a perfect love.

However remember, it is the things in common that makes a relationship enjoyable, but it is the differences that make them interesting ;-).

I was in for a shock when one of my friends said love is kind of business, where you give and take the same. I’m afraid if this is the mentality then god help you.

Do they just see love as a kind of business or as an important element for social status or just to boast to people that they too can love without even knowing what love demands??

Many feel a perfect love is accomplished just with a bike ride, a movie, a walk on the beach during sunset, a late evening dinner. Many forget true love requires something more than all this.

It requires care, patience, understanding, and all the more trust and loyalty. Well I still feel love is monumental and universal because of the fact love defies all reasons and gives you a blind confidence to add to your strengths!

Love is always bestowed as a gift. Freely, willingly and without any expectations.

We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.

Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and treasured.

Inside every heart there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares, one who trusts and loves you.

Now it’s high time to introspect!

You look inside your heart, I'll look into mine!

Let’s give Love a chance!

potatoes: ugly (not so beautiful), dark peel which is SUPER thin to reveal the inside that is pure white and soft at the core...reminds me of many people who are very genuine, special and closest to me...

body odour: its the physical manifestation of your hard work ..that has not been projected properly...reminds me of working hard, very hard but people not appreciating it..rather they are a little skeptical whether I am actually working...so u need to work smart along with work hard....and the smart is analogous to AXE deo...

a DVD not working properly: reminds me of times when I hazily know what I want to do in the near future but I am not able to articulate it clearly...

a badly cooked meal: is one in which u have put in various elements in different proportions (that is obviously wrong) and the outcome is not very pleasant but still eat it!!...reminds me of ... a life in which work, play, family, friends are not in the right proportion and the outcome is not a very happy life....but u still LIVE it...

a purchase decision gone terribly wrong: you have put in money and now you will try and make best use of it (assuming u cant return) before u realize the futility...reminds me of .... time spent with a person whom u thought as friend but alas!.... u try and make it work for a while 'for friendship's sake' but then it fizzles out...

using public transport during rains: is like a compulsion that one has due to lack of better resources..reminds me of.. arranged marriage because u could not find love...

drinking and driving: reminds me of people who want to take control of situations for which they are completely incompetent...and they beg to differ...OBVIOUSLY...:)

self pity: reminds me of partial blindness .... you see only half of what u should see..u see the half that is convenient..the half that tells u how sad u r , how unlucky u r ...and u r blind to the half that says how lucky u r ..... to think what u r ..... living the life u r living...

pseudo righteousness: reminds me of ..... a lot of situations in my life, not necessarily with me as the lead character.. and how I am able to slowly distance myself from them...

red eyes without drinking: reminds me of .. myself ...

a melting chocolate in your pocket that u would ideally preserve for later: reminds me of one getting into a new relationship ..... u would love to eat it now just like get to know the person as well as quickly...but then the chocolate finishes...just like the charm of the relationship if u hurry it up...

a happy family: reminds me of how lucky I am to have a family as loving as mine...

good friends: remind me of all that I have done right in life to deserve and call such special people.... MY FRIENDS...

Things that absolutely frustrate me and make me want to rip my hair out; not that I have much left…

• Not having enough work to occupy the entire day
• Moments when I feel incapable of any thought, not because I am exhausted, but because there simply isn’t anything I am thinking about. Absolute BLANK!
• People not taking ownership of their tasks
• Being dependent on others for info and them stalling despite being aware of the discomfort it’s causing me
• Lack of respect for other’s time
• Asking for help without having explored the options thereby undermining one’s own intellect

I have been guilty of some of the above. Other points, I have gathered from others’ behaviour.

But does it help to make a list such as the one above? That’s like asking whether contemplation helps.

Of course it helps…

At least I know now what bothers me and what factors I should keep in mind when making a decision even in my day-to-day life.

Identifying the cause of frustration definitely goes a long way in relieving the anxiety.

And it makes me more tolerant towards myself and more importantly towards others…....

There will come a point in your life when you feel that everything seems pointless. If you reach this stage, you need to try to look at your life and start considering what things you need to do to keep the fire in you burning.

No matter how old you are, it is important to live a life that is full and happy.

If you no longer have the fire in your burning, there is a big chance that you will easily give up when trials and obstacles come your way. In order to make sure that your motivation to live and love stays strong, here are some tips.

The first step that you need to do is to take a good look at your life. More often than not, people who are bored and unhappy do not really know the things that are beautiful and precious in their lives.

They fail to stop what they are doing and to find time in assessing their achievements and losses. Once you have already determined what makes you feel down and bored, you can start to do something about it.

Many people who experience tragic or life threatening situations can stay strong and motivated to live because they have the reasons to survive. A friend of mine who was trapped in a well for three days had the strong will to survive because his family is depending on him and he wants to be alive when his 12-year old daughter graduates from college.

In order for you to stay motivated, you better know what you want to get out of life. Set goals so that you have something to look forward to in the future. Even if you are eighty years old, you can still set goals for your life.

One sure way that can bring your motivation down is by thinking negatively. If you keep on thinking of the things that you cannot do and are not capable of achieving, you will surely start wallowing in self doubt and self pity.

I once read an article about a woman born without arms who does not only drive a car, but also flies airplanes. If she can surpass hurdles in her life, there is no reason why you can’t do the same.

Envy is something that can really put anyone down. Once you are green with envy, you tend to lose focus on your own goals and forget about the good things that are happening in your life. Instead of looking at the other side of the fence and feeling bad, you should try looking inside your life and count your blessings.

There is really nothing wrong in admiring other people and wanting to have a comfortable life for as long as these desires will keep you motivated in achieving your goals and will contribute in making you live a comfortable and happy life.

Doing the same things over and over again can really make people bored. One way of making your life exciting and happy is by finding a hobby and learning new things. What you can do is to try enrolling in classes, like dance or photography, which will help you get excited and motivated.

As for me, in order to keep me sane in a monotonous office environment, I write anything that comes to my mind.

Lastly, do not be afraid to change. Simply trying a new route to the office or eating at a new restaurant can help perk up your otherwise boring life.

Having a new haircut or trying a new hair color may seem trivial for men, but they sure can give you a new image and make you feel afresh.

Keep the fire in you always burning….

Having learned about the Law of Attraction growing up, I knew that my thoughts created my life. As a result, I spent a good bit of time beating myself over the head for choosing wrong, or thinking wrong.

Thankfully, I also learned about the Law of Attraction as part of growing up, not a philosophy for living unto itself. However, I never really got it until I heard those lyrics from Jagjit Singh's album, 'Hey Gobind Hey Gopal'.

See, try as we might to manipulate our world, first by external force, now through the influence of our thoughts, we may still make mistakes.

You may turn right when every fiber of your being told you to turn left. You can spend a good bit of time sitting at crossroads, beating yourself over the head saying that you should have turned right back there.

What you miss is the opportunity to choose again, the opportunity to go a different way.

Forgiveness allows you to take from the mistake what you need and leave the rest.

It allows you to move past the “mistake” and into a state of grace. From that state you can experience love and wholeness. Better than that, it allows you to move into action.

Whatever choices you made that brought you to this place in your life, take responsibility for them.

Taking responsibility means that you acknowledge that you made the choice. Let go of it then.

That time is past, there is nothing that you can do about it now.

What you can do now is choose in this moment. Every time you choose, make it with all the courage that you can muster based on everything you know in that moment.

Know that was what you did in the past.

Put down the stick. You can forgive yourself.

It’s interesting how people take my views rather too seriously… and if I were not wiser by the virtue of my follies, I’d probably do the same.

Well, here I was gloating like an egg that had found its bull’s eye.

Nestling cheerfully in the yolky satisfaction of my even if I do say so myself, well-expounded “white trouser” theory.

Until of course, I got pronged, rather rudely I might add, by a few bustling women.

‘I wear white trousers, don’t you know’?

As if by the very fact that they did, they completely turned the fact that they were, in fact, exactly the kind of women I was talking about, on its head.

Well… I was jolted, I must admit, by the fury of these hustling bustling women but it does incite me to cast further light on this much-argued about theory of mine.

Let me first bung in a disclaimer. Like all theories worth their yolk, “The White Trouser Theory” does the usual thing i.e. rustle up a conclusion first and then build a complicated routine around it.

In the face of counter-arguments, cold logic and even hard evidence, the WTT like all theories will simply build natty little corollaries which will, to all intents and purposes, render the theory gloriously impotent, but will not let it relinquish the sensational glory that surrounded its introduction.

And now to business ... Oh yes! I agree, there’s nothing elaborate about white trousers anymore in present times.

White trousers have lost their elitist halo, and now every woman worth her waistline has a pair to boot.

While this does take away from the trifling detail of relevance from my theory, it does go rather a long way in proving its original premise.

After all, where does a woman get her hankering for a new couch, an antique for the hallway, and oh before I forget.. a new piece of apparel such as .. hmm.. Let’s see now.. a white trouser from?

From the happy coincidence of seeing it owned by, with or on another woman, of course!

And who are these women next door craving to be like? The quintessential “white trouser” woman, thus spreading the elitism thinner and thinner..

Until of course the next “white trouser” comes along .. Ridiculously hard to get ... prohibitively expensive..

Thoroughly impractical.. and positively leaking style at its seams. And the entire cycle starts over.

And all this while, us enlightened species watch for these tell-tale signs.. and stay well clear of these moody women.

Beer, anyone?

It was 1981, a Friday evening, and I was a content young man looking forward to a week of contentment away from YKC (Yokohama Kenshu Center) in Yokohama, Japan. Monday class was ten days away and the easier institute assignments looked humanly possible to be completed in few hours.

Reclining lazily on the soft cushions of this peaceable picture, I set my mind to weightier matters, and for this post it is the pleasurable task of detailing my much-applauded 'White Trouser Theory'.

Or to be more specific. White trousers wearing women.

I first started on this theory on the airport express from Hong Kong airport to Central. An hour long journey in an air conditioned train (I use the term loosely. To my untrained heart, it ran faster than the plane I had landed in).

That was when I spotted this British woman. Tall, full, and wearing gleaming white trousers. Her long flowing gait, sunglasses perched fashionably on her lovely auburn hair, she looked gorgeous.

But something bothered me...... I couldn't put my finger on it.

My next vision of a white trousered woman was in Bombay. Funnily enough, a similar looking woman, stepping of a sleek silver Merc with, almost inevitably, shopping bags in her hand.

And then, on that trip in Bombay, I kept running into this succession of white trousers and women in them. Something kept nagging at me right through and over paani-puri and veg frankies on Linking road with my friend 'Venu', it hit me.

There was a common thread (no pun intended) running through all these women.

And it had to do with white trousers. And unattainability.

What kind of woman wears white trousers? Remember women and their finickiness about appearances?

So what kind of woman puts herself up voluntarily to that acid test?

If it hasn't struck you yet, and i don't blame you. It took me long enough - it really is the kind of woman who is supremely confident about what her day is going to dish out to her.

The kind of woman who has a handle on almost every factor in her life.

More specifically, it is the kind of woman who knows that her home isn't that kind that springs nasty surprises in the form of an un-vacuumed portion of the sofa.

The kind of woman who knows her bags aren't made of the cheap leather that could streak your trouser leg as your bag swishes against it as she walks. The kind of woman, who organizes her belongings in such a way that not a single thing need go into her trouser pocket.

Picture, if you will, a white trousered woman's day.

She steps out of a dustless home, into a gleaming elevator that swooshes down to the floor like a molecule beam. She spends all of seven seconds in the sun as she walks to a vacuumed, de-odorized car, whose chauffeur has the air-conditioning humming at twenty-two degrees while the tarmac melts on the road he is about to drive her on. Her palms are dry and cool and she smells exactly the way she intended to.

I realized then that this was exactly the kind of woman who a bloke didn't want in his life. The kind of woman, who a man instinctively shies away from making passes at. And I relaxed, as I looked at another white-trousered tower of feminine intimidation, for a brief moment gleaming whitely in the morning sun, as she glided back into the cool, dark interiors of her car.

Solving life's little puzzles gives an an almost obscenely disproportionate sense of satisfaction.

Why do we live between light and darkness? We exist only in twilight, where shadows follow our every step, withdrawing and hiding when the sun is high, but returning to haunt us in the dark hours of night. A cruel dance, repeating itself each and every day, from the beginning of humankind.

But, how can we escape these circumstances?

Don’t we choose our own way, going for one side or the other?

I asked myself that question for a long time, but I was clinging to a wrong concept. I considered light and darkness as separate entities. Both of them are actually connected, the light creating the darkness, which in turn absorbs it, generating an eternal flow of creative energy.

These are not opposing forces, because, darkness doesn’t have a body of it’s own through which it could oppose the light. It is just a hollow reflection, an echo. It is where the light extinguishes itself to renew its potential of creation.

Everything we see in this reality has its shadow. To see, we need light. It is a fact of life. Perhaps we should discard the idea that we can live in a perfect world of pure light, that we can ignore the shadows projecting around us. They are an essential part of the light; without them, there would be no contrast, no manifestation.

When I reach towards light, I respect the darkness created through that act. The shadow doesn’t have an existence or justification of its own, but it is a necessary part of balance. The sewage systems complement the abundance of the rain, thus preventing us from being flooded.

I won’t struggle against this fact. Instead I’ll just live on this imperfect world as it is. All events are following their natural course, and there is nothing to fear. This place is our paradise, after all.

I’ve stopped running from my own shadow. I got tired of having it stepping on my heels every time I tried to escape. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn’t separate myself a single inch from it.

But now, I’m ready to accept it fully. I look at the light, and feel the darkness. In twilight, I manifest perfectly. My existence is human and imperfect, just as it should be.

But even so, I won’t lose my way.

The light will guide me for sure.....

Always.

When you finish that block or have the first date or get asked to be the evaluator, go the next round. Keep putting one step in front of the other. You will find yourself at your goal in no time.
One of the benefits of my spiritual practice is my heightened intuition. It nudges me all the time, often 2 to 3 times before I take the hint. I’m learning to listen and trust.
You can’t completely shut off a leaky faucet as it’s a struggle to do so. Then, when you’ve sufficiently tightened it you feel like you’re paddling upstream.
Go with the flow, you will feel the ease.