Think about it... !!!!!

Posted by Tandarin Nike Tuesday, May 11, 2010 2:42 AM
Have you ever sat down before someone and gave endless explanations for a decision you made....or a step you took or explain something that you have done?

I guess we all have. We go on and on explaining our situation, our circumstances and our reasons to somebody and if you stop for a while and reflect who that somebody is, it definitely has to be someone close to you. May be your partner, your best friend, your sibling, your family or someone whose judgment matters to you a lot.

We don't worry about what strangers and unimportant people say or think of us. Our world is centered around our own people whose judgments' and opinions are a matter of our concern and to an extent it is very much right.

We are all answerable to our people for whatever we do. So giving explanations shouldn't be a problem. But there are also times when in this process of clarifying things and making others understand that we end up being hurt and shattered.

Now when does this happen?????

This happens when we don't get the support, the understanding and confidence we are seeking from the other person. That is when sharing becomes a pain. When communication creates a gap. When a circumstance becomes an excuse and a reason becomes a fake justification.

That's when we feel alone. We get frustrated. We come up with statements like "nobody understands us".

We keep holding on to that and stay in misery. Why don't we give up...?? Why don't we understand that if after repeated efforts we cant get across to someone or instead of understanding all we attract is fake sympathy.

Then why do we keep trying and expecting....?

Why can't we accept the fact that not everybody thinks like us? Or why is it so important to convince others that we were right in the first place?

If we know we are right and if we can answer our conscience and face ourselves then why are we so entangled in making others believe in us?

If they know us well, we don't need to tell them the when and why of everything. They are capable of reading our silence and if they don't know us well then we can just go on and on to no effect and end up feeling all the more alone!

I'm not saying that don't clarify when it's needed or don't communicate assuming that if others know you well you don't need to put your feelings into words, rather what I mean is, clarify to a person who is worthy of your explanations. Who understands.

They might not identify with what you did but at least will try to step into your shoes and view things from your angle and most important give explanations up to a certain limit. Beyond that, if u keep explaining or proving yourself, you are just inviting disappointment!

Last but not the least if you expect, then learn to accept too. You have to accept the fact that we are not all the same. We all think differently. We respond differently. It's easier to sympathize than to empathize. That's why we often say that "only a person going through it...knows how it feels".

So then why jump to conclusions? Why not listen? Why not understand?

Why adopt short cuts and label people in a second. If we want that others understand us, feel our pain, then why not try to do that ourselves.

Another very common belief that we all hold is that if someone is over explaining things...he/she must be wrong or guilty. Why...cant we interpret his/her effort as a means to sort out things?

We as humans are lazy. We use the lens formed by others to view the world and see everybody through it. We never walk that extra mile to actually broaden our perspective.

Once we learn to do that, I guarantee that there will be less sufferings and misunderstandings....n sharing will actually strengthen bonds...!

Think about it!

3 Response to "Think about it... !!!!!"

  1. shivani Says:

    very rightly said and sometimes i think too that it's best to lay off and stop explaining.Later situations and circumstances get the message across.That's nature like you said unless one wears that shoe one never gets to know where it pinches.
    Found this illuminating once again.Thanks :)

  2. Tandarin Nike Says:

    Thanks!! Shivani.

  3. Thought(s) of an old man Says:

    ".....a reason becomes fake justification." How perfectly right words you have used to explain it! Yes, more than often I have seen people giving reasons which are more a justification of their action/reaction/failure/ misunderstanding.

    Manju, do you remember, long back when I told you that the color I see and you see and we both call it red, but the actual things the same color makes in our brains has an ocean of difference, you said "not only that bhavaji, the two eyes in the same person grasp the color differently and the brain synchronises it! That exactly is the problem in right understanding between two people - different peceptions in the minds of the same thing without a synchronising authority. Right?

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