Sticky talkers.......

Posted by Tandarin Nike Wednesday, March 24, 2010 1:40 PM
I hold the phone far away from my ear, somehow thinking if I do this the other person will know what I’m doing and stop talking.

They just don’t. Words are flung at me at a rapid pace, drilling down into tiny details, with the other end STICKY talker unaware of my frustration at this end. They are comfortable with my slight mumblings or silence. I would occasionally interject a thought and there would be quiet at the other end, may be they are listening, yet as soon as I take a breath, they pick up exactly where they left off.

If they do take in what I’ve said, they are off on a tangent with their thoughts about the subject. This is not fair and I hate this experience.

What I love is a lively conversation, even if we are interrupting each other, bouncing back and forth adding tidbits of ideas, sharing experiences, and all the time listening to the other person and at a moment’s notice can stop and be present to them.

It’s beautiful to receive and to give the gift of listening.

When I’m on with the STICKY talker, no one is present as both of us are in our own worlds. We are not listening to each other.

A half and hour later I finally hang up the phone and say aloud to myself, “I’m fine too.” It’s my way of recognizing the other person didn’t even ask how I was doing. Relieved I’m no longer cornered by their words I try to shake off the negative feelings within me. There must be a better way.

I believe that I am in charge of my reactions, so I start to process just what happened. I sat on the phone listening to a person drill down into every single detail of their lives…their children or grandchildren, work, their feelings, complaints and the list goes on. I do whatever I could to distract myself from the experience.

Why do I stay on the phone? They are good people; I have a history with them and am not ready to relinquish the relationship. We all use our friends to share our experiences and help us sort through an issue in our lives. What frustrates me is the friend whose motor starts and doesn’t know how to stop it. I’ve always wondered whether they would be great writers because their tenacity for details is incredible.

I don’t want to subject myself to another marathon of words, so how do I deal with issue going forward?

I’ve decided I wasn’t going to speak on the phone as much. I’ve noticed that face-to-face interaction with STICKY talkers works better because they receive feedback. It may not stop the behavior but at least lessens the duration of the experience.

They can bring fun times with them, but I do know that their sticky behavior will surface, so I limit the time we spend together, and I don’t build up a reservoir of frustration with this person.

Finally, if I choose to be with them or talk on the phone, I surround us both with a circle of love. I take responsibility for creating an atmosphere that supports my well-being.

Relationships are important to me and over the years I’ve learned that it’s a balancing act between loving the other person as they are and insuring my own well-being.

3 Response to "Sticky talkers......."

  1. shivani Says:

    Tandarin hi must tell u this... some kind of telepathy going on here...i was just thinking of posting something about this aspect...and i have it all here...the only difference here being u are an epitome of goodness and have good things to say but my post have only talked of my painful experience with sticky talkers especially if she happens to be ur husband's boss's wife.SOS! can u help me out with some words how to deal with such who go to lengths of being threatening if u don't give them enough hearing?

  2. Thought(s) of an old man Says:

    "A good listener makes a good conversationalist" - Dale Carnegie.

    Well?..I too am a sticky talker, and sure, want to be more and more sticky when people call a wrong number which happens to be mine and straight away start talking without even having the least doubt that the person at the other end is not the inteded one....

  3. Tandarin Nike Says:

    We all have sticky talker experiences. Would love to read your version Shivani. Can't help you much with your sticky talker threats. Probably for your husband's sake you have to bear the torture.
    Bhavaji, you seem to have turned this dilemma to your advantage and thats really good.

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